finished 1st Nephi today!
I claim to have read the entire book of Mormon and fully take it in and take Moroni’s challenge…but MAN this time around has been 100 fold stronger than the other time I claim to have done that. haha
Nephi is just so cool! What a righteous example of somebody I strive to become…someone who is rooted in Christ, always stands up for what is right….even against his own BROTHERS, and on one account his FATHER and MOTHER. This man has had bondage loosened in the middle of a tempest because of His faith of the will of the Lord! What a cool dude!
My mission papers are progressing steadily. And by this, I mean that I SUBMIT MY PAPERS THIS TUESDAY! Ya baby! I cannot wait.
Satan’s temptations have been somewhat strong ever since I have made these last FINAL steps in my mission paper progress…..He is attempting to get in his last attempt at swaying my decision, but I am rooted in Christ. Maybe shaky at times, because I do get frustrated still when these bad days come and Satan tries to discourage me, but man is the Lord sending me concrete trials! Trials of humility and patience; certainly things I will be using as a missionary.
I have come a long way in my repentance process. I think this is ultimately why Satan is trying so hard to make me fall, because He knows he know longer has power of me, since I “left him” (in a sense .though i was never following Satan ..) and returned RIGHTEOUSLY to the fold. There is no greater feeling or blessings that come than living a righteous life and knowing you are spotless before the Lord.
The only thing is, I have been questioning some things. I still feel not fully repented. There are sometimes small promptings that tell me to further repent, but then other times I receive promptings that I am forgiven; that the Lord is merciful and to press on with how far I’ve come. But due to these small but still pressing promptings that tell me to repent, I am doubting myself. I do not want to confess any more to the bishop, because I feel I do not have to. Because I know that if I do, it will set back my mission papers.
I do know the Lord is merciful. I do know that promptings have come; strong ones that have overwhelmed me and caused nothing but streams of tears to fall down my face. Mostly in regards to happiness and overwhelming peace. And these strong feelings are what lead me to believe I AM fully repented; that and that the Lord is so so so merciful; even beyond our comprehension.
So I think I am going to just go with the flow. To have my interview with the stake president and tell him I am worthy, that i feel worthy. Because as a whole, i do. But that doubt may nag me…that 10% doubt may carry over to the MTC where I will have to repent to whoever is presiding there at the time (my bishop said it is often times a general authority….talk about intimidating!)
But i do know, that no matter where or when my repentance takes place; or if i am already fully forgiven, that the Lord ultimately desires for me to Serve. That He will be with me every.step.of.the.way. Missions are NOT easy. I do know this. But I know that it will be the ultimate refiner’s fire. That I will be tried and tested but will find out time and time again that ultimately the gospel rings true, that i will be able to have the opportunity to bless hundreds of future generation’s lives with happiness and hope that they may not even know exists. That I will be humbled and receive patience. That i myself will receive further inspiration and hope and strengthen my testimony to be one of never-shaking faith. I know that I will be called to the exact place and the exact time for/with the exact people the Lord needs me. I have the strongest testimony of this; of His will and His timing and His preparation.
I am so excited for my mission. It has already been the best decision i’ve ever made, and i don’t even have my call yet. I am thankful for the Lord and for His atonement that has made it possible for me to clear up even the deepest of sins so that I AM worthy to serve a mission as a clean servant of the Lord. I am thankful for my bishop for helping me along the road of repentance, it has not been easy, and it has truly humbled me. His dedication, faith, righteousness, example, and non judgmental approach have seriously helped me along this path to righteousness and ultimately forgiveness. I desire nothing more than to serve the Lord in my full capacity…to TRULY give Him my all 120%…and to be found spotless before Him at the judgement seat.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen!